need to rant
i've come to think of the whole project as Hiroshima. the big bomb. it's been a calamity from start to finish. i've never seen people so disorganized. and they expect a cast of 30 or more people to wait patiently while they sort themselves out, through rehearsals that can run for more than 6 hours, with no break. one interruption after another, with the director shrieking instructions at the techs doing light and sound, way at the back of the theatre. that's the ONLY instruction they get... no stage notes for anyone.
last night, after a late start, (resulting from the usual chaos) i was told that there was no time for rehearsals of the musical numbers (did i mention that it's a MUSICAL production?!) this, after months of not being able to rehearse them properly because we didn't HAVE the music yet.
no one knows their lines, or their songs, and the thing opens Saturday. yes -in 2 sleeps. i'm expecting association with this turkey to be a most humbling experience.
just in case we're not humiliated enough after crashing and burning the thing for 2 weekends at home, they've booked a show in a nearby (bigger) center.
the costumes aren't ready yet, either.
the other night, when the sound tech called me to the booth, and said, "can i make a suggestion?" i replied, "suicide?" he thought it was funny. i was half serious. it feels like suicide. a botched suicide, resulting a slow and agonizing death.
for this, i've put my correspondence course on hold, hardly see my friends and family, never have time for my own music, or other interests, and only see my lovely home long enough to sleep and shower. if it weren't for a dear friend who feeds me supper regularly, i'd have had nothing but fruit and nuts and restaurant food to eat since Christmas.
yes, it's all self inflicted, so sympathy is not even deserved. how about mercy killing? (bad joke)
the thing about these situations is, the smart thing would be to just walk away, but you can't do that to all the other people who are working very hard, and are depending on you, and still believe in it. it's my fervent hope that they're right, and i'm very, very wrong. they assure me, "oh these things always fall together at the last minute" but the sad truth is, they don't ALWAYS fall together.
and i suspect that even when (o.k, if) the thing blows up in our midst and takes us all out with it, the perpetrators of the crime won't even realize it WAS a bomb. they're THAT oblivious.... impervious to reality.